Motherhood and Empty Nesting
Written by Teresa Terry, LPC
What’s next for mothers after children have flown the coop? Are we doomed to this empty, lonely life or is there something more in store for us?
I found profound meaning in raising my two daughters. When my daughters grew up and left to move to greater things, I experienced periods of feeling like a fraud. I also felt like a failure because I wasn’t sure what was next.
I knew I needed to dig deep and search for what gave me a purpose, other than my children. After much trial and error. I found tennis and also chose to go back to school and earn my Master’s in Counseling. While it was difficult to get back into these things that I had long ago set aside, it was so worth it.
For those of us mothers who put all we had into parenting, it can be quite a shock when our children are gone. For over twenty years we are stretched, pulled and gave all that we had and more to these little humans we were raising.
No one prepares us for the feelings of emptiness and a lack of purpose that are all a very real part of the empty nest (Champ, 2020). The feelings that come when our children leave home are a part of life that most people do not talk about. Due to this lack of acknowledgement, many are left unprepared to cope with the emptiness without any guidance.
What are some ways to cope?
Cry and mourn the stage of life that has passed (Lamoreux, 2021) and allow yourself to embrace this next chapter.
While we may have forgotten what our favorite pastimes, passions or hobbies were, it is time to reconnect and try to get to know ourselves better and rediscover the things that we once treasured.
Remember, we have half of our lives left! It is not too late to start a second career, go back to school or even learn a new language. Time is passing whether we are doing anything or not, so why not better ourselves in the process?
Make a list of things you might enjoy doing that you did not have time for before. Some of my ideas are: book club, volunteer at a school, get involved with a food pantry or animal shelter, learn to play pickleball or another sport that seems intriguing, travel, start a bunco group, join a gym, or a mahjong group.
We have raised the entire next generation of people and we have given them all of the resources to fly, now it is our turn to find these things in ourselves again.
You got this and while I know it is hard, you can do it! Getting through the time when my own children left the coop was hard for me. However, I am happy to have made it over the hump and grasp on to this next adventure!
*** While I have made this process seem easy, I know that it can be tough. If you are having feelings of prolonged sadness and or depression, please reach out to us. We are here to help you navigate this challanging time.
Thanks for being here,
Teresa Terry, LPC
References:
Champ, Lianna. “Empty Nest Syndrome: How to Cope When Your Children Leave Home.” Netdoctor, Netdoctor, 23 Sept. 2020, www.netdoctor.co.uk/parenting/a11692/empty-nest-syndrome/.
Lamoreux, Karen. “What Now? Understanding Empty Nest Syndrome.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 29 Oct. 2021, psychcentral.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome.
