Fostering an Emotionally Validating Environment for Our Kids

Creating an emotionally validating environment for our kids is key to helping them feel secure, understood, and valued. If you have ever stepped foot in my office you are well aware of my number one rule of parenting, after keeping them safe of courses… is CONNECT BEFORE WE CORRECT.

Yes! I said it…We must connect with our kids if we ever want them to listen to our guidance.

I often hear parents express the lengths they will go to protect their children from experiencing big feelings. However, contrary to popular belief, doing everything in our power to avoid the meltdown or minimize our kids feelings is far more harmful than helpful. In fact, if we avoid the hard things, we miss important opportunities for connection with our kids and help them regulate their big feelings.

Life is HARD. There is no way around that fact. If we can learn to create an emotionally supportive and validating environment for our kids, we will have a new generation of kids who believe in themselves, feel capable and strong and who most importantly, can handle hard things when they come their way.

Here are some steps you can take to foster a connective and emotionally validating environment at home

Acknowledge Feelings

Let your child know their feelings are valid, even if you don’t agree with their reaction. Use phrases like, "I can see you're upset" or "I can see why this is really hard for you."

Practice Active Listening

Our kids know if we are paying attention or not. Make time to listen without interrupting or offering immediate solutions. Prioritize eye contact, nodding, and reflecting their emotions back as they speak to you. After they share something with you, you might connect by saying somthing like, “ I am hearing you say that you had a really hard day at school. Is that right?”.

Avoid Judgment

Try to remember that the judgements that come up for us as we navigate parenting are more about us than they are about our kids. Avoid dismissing statements like, "You're overreacting" or "There's no reason to be upset." These comments can lead to disconnect because they enphasize the solution and bypass the feeling, which can lead to further disconnect.

Empathize

Do you best to put yourself in your kid’s shoes, even if their problem seems small to you. Saying things like, "I remember feeling that way when I was your age," can help children feel connected and supported. Empathy goes a long way when we are trying to connect with our kids.

Teach (and learn) Emotional Vocabulary

It is vital to help our kids understand how to identify and label emotions. By helping our kids identify and label their emotions, that gove them power to better express themselves and ask for what they need. Teaching kids words like “frustrated,” “disappointed,” or “excited” empowers them to express themselves more clearly. In order to acheive this, parents must first learn to identify big feelings within themselves.

Encourage Emotional Expression

Work to create an environment where your child feels safe expressing their feelings. Whether through talking, art, or play, encourage them to explore what they’re feeling.

Model emotional validation

Show your child how you validate your own feelings and the feelings of others. For instance, say, "I'm feeling frustrated right now, and that’s okay."

Offer Comfort and Support

Sometimes, all a child needs is a hug or reassuring words. Let them know you're there for them, regardless of their emotional state.

Be Patient

Emotional validation takes practice. Children, especially younger ones, may need time to understand and express their feelings. Patience shows them that their emotional world is important.

Create Rituals that Foster Connection

Family rituals give our kids a grounding and a ryhthum. Regular check-ins, gratitude practices, or quiet time together can provide a structured way for kids to express emotions.

Learning how to hold space for our kids BIG emotions is no easy task, In fact, learning how to CONNECT before we correct is something that does not come naturally to most people.

By fostering this kind of environment, you help your children develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and a sense of self-worth.

Thank you for being here!

Dr. E